As I was organizing my closet the other day it dawned on me; I am not who I once was. I was packing away a stack of adorable designer dresses that I used to sport on a regular basis during the warmer months. I had not had the heart to put them in storage previously, thinking that an occasion to wear them might still come up. But as I sized up the closet space in the house, then looked at the stack of Amelia`s clothes that have yet to find a home, then looked at the real estate my `maybe some day` dresses were taking up...
I folded up my precious Marc Jacobs dress and Ella Moss top to make way for rompers and onesies.
I am a MOM.
There are the obvious ways I have been changed; wardrobe, for example. But then there are the not so obvious. I have never known love for another like the kind I have for my children. It is consuming. And being witness to the love THEY have for US... is humbling. It has changed me.
As I type this Noah is climbing on my back, begging for the last sip of my coffee (a habit he has started). The old me would have seen a mother with this scenario unfolding and thought that she should put a rein on her child. But I never knew how much mothers really love their children, and from this love comes the patience to deal with a toddler who insists he is old enough for a cup of joe (it`s decaf, in your FACE, Noah!).
And this patience is not only for the kids, it is for life. Today we went grocery shopping. It took a solid hour and a half because Noah wanted to walk and help put our goodies in the cart. When we finally made our way back to the car, I loaded all the bags and took Noah`s hand to walk across the parking lot to return the cart. I thought to myself how I used to rush this stroll. I thought how I would rush through the isles at the store and hunt down the shortest check out line so I could just get it over with and get home. How every task seemed like it had a time limit. But now I do not feel the same sense of urgency for getting certain things done. I can let my son explore and help and learn. I can take the time to hold my sons hand and walk at his pace through the parking lot while he looks at the sky and exclaims `BIRDS!!`.
I have never done anything as important as being a mother to my children. And I am a Mom. Every day. Recently when I am saying goodnight to Noah I am completely overwhelmed with my reality. And in the mornings when Amelia first wakes and is so happy (she is starting to smile and coo and melt my heart in the process) I become overwhelmed. An overwhelming sense that I have been forever changed by these little souls because, by some inexplicable reason, I have been chosen to be their mother.
And I am so thankful to be a mother. And so thankful to give up my closet space for this little round mound of love. And even the slightest bit thankful for the wardrobe change. Who needs Marc Jacobs and Ella Moss when you have Noah Chapman and Amelia Anne?