I'm pretty sure that women who say they feel beautiful just weeks after giving birth are lying. There seems to be this new standard where you are expected to bounce right back, be back in your pre-pregnancy clothes, and back out at Target and the grocery store running your usual errands (only this time with a new tiny person in tow) days after giving birth.
And I'll be honest; a week after giving birth to Amelia when my shipment of newly purchased clothes (what, the only clothing I brought with me from Japan was maternity wear) did not fit me, I felt defeated.
One week had passed... and I felt like I SHOULD be able to fit into my size 6 jeans and I SHOULD be able to wear my usual tops without belly blubber hanging out for the world to point at and laugh.
And I'll be honest again; I love reading mommy blogs. It is a self deprecating and masochistic pass time. Women, who I do not even know in the real world, have this way of making me feel like I am not a good enough mother/wife/cook/looser of baby weight. When did blogging become the tool in which we measure our worth as women? And when did it become the 'norm' to be super-mom/super-wife/super-looser of baby weight? Do these women EVER have an off day?
I'll be honest again; I have SEVERAL! I think I have washed my hair twice in the past week. I do manage to get in the shower to wash the 'important' parts, but if it takes longer than three minutes it is inevitable that one of my two children will be crying/needing me for something. Being the only adult in the house, it is my job to tend to that something. Luxuries such as hair washing and shaving take a second seat. And as I type this, my kitchen is a mess. I have no idea what I am going to feed my oldest child for dinner. And my baby weight? Still holding on to a good 10-15 pounds.
And I'll be honest yet again; I just spent the better part of an hour filling up an online basket with about $200 worth of makeup, then debating with myself on weather or not to click on the 'complete order' button. Pros and cons of vanity. Not to say that wearing makeup is vain, it certainly is not. But my reasons for buying said makeup were to SEEM like the super-mom/super-wife/super-looser of baby weight... with that dewy glow and perfectly defined cheek bones.
Because who wants to see the 'ugly' truth when they look in the mirror? The bags under the eyes from the late night feedings. The hair, a tangled mess clipped this way and that, just to keep it out of your eyes and under control. And is that a blonde highlight I see? No, no it isn't. That's a grey hair.
So here it is, internet, my 'ugly' truth.
I have to squeeze into my pre-pregnancy sized clothing. Nothing I wear makes me feel pretty, so I go for comfort. I would rather sit in my house all day in jogging shorts and a nursing tank with my kids than attempt to get dolled up to go out in public to prove to the world how 'with it' I am, a mer 6 weeks after having my baby girl.
But you know what DOES make me feel beautiful? The way Noah grabs my face and kisses me so hard, with complete and total abandon. The way Amelia has started to wrap her arms around me as much as possible while nursing and grasps on with all her tiny might. The way they both look at ME, not my hair, not my clothes or my waist line, but ME... unconditionally, loving, looking at ME. That makes me feel better than wearing any designer jeans could.
Just wanted to put some 'ugly' truth in the mommy blogging world.